HELP!!!
How does one go about choosing the biological parent of their future child??? It's such a bizarre task.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
First Post
With so much going on I need to either start seeing a therapist again or writing in my journal. Therapy is depressing and makes me cry a lot. Writing has worked so much better for me over the years - writing wins. Here instead of in my private journal? I'll see if it lasts a week.
J gave me a gorgeous journal months ago - it was going to be used to track the progress of our pregnancy. After a few months of having to write "got my period." It got a bit depressing. Thing is ... we're not going to get pregnant any time soon. He doesn't have any sperm. We're dealing with this - though that first month was beyond difficult. Lots of crying. Lots of anger. Lots of... depression. It's only been about 6 weeks since we found out - but we're a lot better now. I'm not a huge fan of the medical world and unfortunately we're going to have to rely on that realm - a lot in the next years... we'll see. For now we wait. Well - he gets tested and tested and tested... and I wait. Because there really is nothing else for me to do. My hope of course is that when we finally find sperm - from in house or a donor... my middle aged body can do her job. It's just getting really late.
In the past I've always had something "big" that I was looking forward to. It was moving, big trip, new job, always something. This past year it was 'getting pregnant" - now that's on hold. I need something else big. I need to do "something." My lazy gene isn't with me on this. I wonder all the time - how will i ever have the energy to take care of this child that we want so badly?
Work. Although ready to quit - I don't feel like doing the work of finding something new or starting over again. Work has been much better since we came back from vacation. I see the light. Actually now the end of the year looks a little too close. There's still so much I haven't taught these kids... How will I ever fit it all in? Answer: I won't. What will next year look like? As long as it doesn't look like this one... I think I'll be okay.
Money... it's always going to be an issue isn't it? I was looking at realtor.com and I look at the homes that we are able to afford and I think... those are REALLY poor areas. We aren't THAT poor - are we? How are others able to afford it? How do people do it?
J gave me a gorgeous journal months ago - it was going to be used to track the progress of our pregnancy. After a few months of having to write "got my period." It got a bit depressing. Thing is ... we're not going to get pregnant any time soon. He doesn't have any sperm. We're dealing with this - though that first month was beyond difficult. Lots of crying. Lots of anger. Lots of... depression. It's only been about 6 weeks since we found out - but we're a lot better now. I'm not a huge fan of the medical world and unfortunately we're going to have to rely on that realm - a lot in the next years... we'll see. For now we wait. Well - he gets tested and tested and tested... and I wait. Because there really is nothing else for me to do. My hope of course is that when we finally find sperm - from in house or a donor... my middle aged body can do her job. It's just getting really late.
In the past I've always had something "big" that I was looking forward to. It was moving, big trip, new job, always something. This past year it was 'getting pregnant" - now that's on hold. I need something else big. I need to do "something." My lazy gene isn't with me on this. I wonder all the time - how will i ever have the energy to take care of this child that we want so badly?
Work. Although ready to quit - I don't feel like doing the work of finding something new or starting over again. Work has been much better since we came back from vacation. I see the light. Actually now the end of the year looks a little too close. There's still so much I haven't taught these kids... How will I ever fit it all in? Answer: I won't. What will next year look like? As long as it doesn't look like this one... I think I'll be okay.
Money... it's always going to be an issue isn't it? I was looking at realtor.com and I look at the homes that we are able to afford and I think... those are REALLY poor areas. We aren't THAT poor - are we? How are others able to afford it? How do people do it?
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